Its been quite some time, life happens while your busy making other plans right? Or in that case wanting to write? I am in a funny place in life, I’m too young to be old but I am too old to be young and that begs the question, what now? What comes next, what is the “correct” next move? My relationship has fallen apart and I have learnt in the most excruciating way… by being hurt over and over that no person can change, a notion that I now realize was very ignorant on my part, expectations in my view should also be kept to a minimum, find someone who fits “your” profile, stick to it… Love is real and it exists but it is only an initial chemical reaction, lasting love is a completely different story… hard work, commitment, a share of values and goals, similar traits and views are very important. I find myself wanting to get out of my relationship but I am too scared to hurt this person, yet they have hurt me and I have hurt them before? Why? Security? Insecurity? The latter probably being more likely…. At least I consider myself lucky by being able to identify it. A part of me likes to think that I am still holding onto a little bit of hope, for those feelings the first couple of months and the times experienced then.
I have a comfort zone, everybody has a comfort zone and I have learnt that there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with having one. Those bullshit quotes you see everywhere about getting out of it mean nothing… those are statements made by folk who made it outside their comfort zone or got really lucky. When you are outside of your comfort zone people tend to take advantage of it, even people you never expected to do it and that is the truth. I am not saying hide in your comfort zone forever as something magical can happen outside of it, I am saying think twice about with whom you step outside of it with, do not expose yourself, look after yourself, know what your behaviors are and what they are not take calculated risks not just risks. There is no sense in that everything you are and you have could come crashing down in an instant. Sounds like I am describing love right? Well at least that is what I thought it was… But it really isn’t.
So as for moving ahead in life, I have hobbies, writing, music, exercise, eating healthy (Yes that can be one) some new one’s like meditation as well. In case you don’t know, all healthy ways to boost your dopamine and serotonin levels. Welcome to step one of being happy… get a hobby, who knew? Never rely on people to make you happy, you will be severely disappointed.
Life seems to be a bit of a mess at the moment but I have a plan, and what I can do now is all I can do now…